How I overcome losses (not caused by death)

Submitted by Captain Potter

People come and go, that is how the cycle is in life. Sometimes, no matter how long you’ve known a person, you could still lose them due to unforeseen circumstances, and that is where the story gets sad.

I’ve lost a lot of people but to lose someone who means everything to me, who is the only reason I kept on trying, the only person who showed me what love is – was difficult. I find it unbelievable that some people could easily let go of things that took years to be built, is it really that easy?

There are days I don’t understand why things are so easily broken and I would sometimes suggest myself with the idea of “maybe we didn’t try hard enough”. But that was no comfort at all, because the more I think about it, the more it seems to kill me emotionally. Because I was devastated but that person; was doing all just fine. Unfair isn’t it but what’s life after all if it’s all fair?

I found it hard to overcome my sadness and what’s worst, people made assumptions and chose sides, which at all, isn’t necessary. How can I forget when I’ve spent most of my lifetime with this person? How can I erase this person when all I ever know is that my happiness depends on them? And that’s when I realize I was wrong all this time.

I was wrong because I depended on others for my happiness. I was wrong thinking that I mean so much to this person like how they are to me. But was I really wrong for being honest? Am I really wrong for showing efforts and trying my best to fix things? 

I learned, day by day, that I was wrong for thinking that I know this person so well when actually I don’t. I begin to change my ideas of thinking, I found out that one’s happiness does not need to depend on people mostly, because one’s happiness depends on them themselves. Sometimes we are all wrong for believing that things would last, but now that I’ve figured it out, we all have to actually accept the fact that “not everything lasts forever.” In letting go and forgetting, revenge is totally unnecessary because the main point in moving on and forgetting is to forgive and forget, not to forgive and avenge. 

Also in the process of moving on, you’ve got to learn how to ACCEPT the truth and RESPECT each other’s decisions. Though things might end up quite bad but we all have to understand that if it is meant to be, it will come back to you but if it’s not, something better will come as replacement. Often we are fooled by our mind, but that’s the point, play along with your mind, distract yourself from getting too involved in the whole situation, eventually, you’ll find yourself worrying less. 

And when you’re ready, build up the courage to be frank and confront the person. Talk out what’s best and decide what has to be done. If it doesn’t work, then get rid of them, why? Because they are the toxic in your life which is not worthy to be kept. So if that person states that all of this leads to a ‘dead end’, let go. Easy to say, but trust me, once you’re ready to start over, you’ll find out that all this mess is very useful to be used as a platform to develop a much better version of ourselves. 

But you have to know, we might say we’ve moved on fully but we actually have not. A part of us (be it tiny part) still lives through the moments, still lives with them because that’s how it goes – we never and shouldn’t forget all the best memories that happened in our lives, be it in the past or the present because you’ll find it on days you feel empty, these ‘past’ memories is what will you keep going. Last step, learn to let go and let God lead the way. Never ever hold any grudges because what happened is actually the best thing that could happen, why? Because you lose somebody, you get hurt, then you build yourself up again, you start to believe, you move on and you, LEARN. These painful happenings are the most valuable lessons one could get (I could get) because it teaches us a lot of things, that is one; forever exist only if we work hard to make it exist, two; whatever we lose would be replaced with something better, three; efforts goes both ways, four; do not trust easily, five; whatever you do, make sure that you’re doing it because YOU want to do it, not because OTHERS said so, and lastly; if it’s meant to be it will be.

– yours truly, captain.potter

Inspiring Words by Yuna!

Submitted by Yuna Zarai | Malaysian singer-songwriter

Source: www.margotandmaude.com

I look at all the questions from my young fans & I realized they’re all stemming from insecurity, bullying & rejection.. So many of them asking how to be accepted, how to deal with depression, how to not have suicidal thoughts… All is just worrying to me. I’m sorry for not replying them all, so I’m just going to write this so it will reach anybody who needs it. If someone can translate this to Malay, that will be great and I will be greatly indebted to them.

My dear young ones, you are brought into this world for a reason. Many reasons, actually. To be the protector of the planet, to care for your family, other people,and to inspire others to do good. You are special.

If you are struggling with studies, you think homework or assignment is hard, think of your country and your neighborhood – what is it about your country that you want to change? Are the schools accessible to all kids? Are the kids getting into violence? Think deeply, and then gain as much knowledge as you can because with all that knowledge, you can come back to change all that, make sure other kids will get the same opportunity as you. If you are already in engineering school, law school, art school.. you are already on your way to serve a purpose to the world. That’s why you need to study. That should be your drive. So go and SOAR and be the best, and go make a difference in the world. Because my sweet young ones, YOU ARE THE FUTURE LEADERS! (edited: Don’t give up, there are a lot of people out there who want to be in your place, who are hungry for education.)

If you are struggling with love and rejection, think of the people who are always there for you no matter what. Sometimes falling in love and getting hurt is one of the ways to learn how to care for yourself. A good friend of mine always remind me to pray and to ‘take care of your heart’. It is people like that you should keep close, they care only for your well-being. Look around you, if your friends are making you feel less than who you are -they are not your friends. These are people who are sabotaging your happiness. Keep the ones who drives you to be better, who shares their knowledge with you, who genuinely cares about you, who stops you from wrecking yourself. If the person close to you is telling you you can’t grow into a better, more successful person, this person does not care about your growth, and only wants you to stay at their level. If you feel this, break free. You’re better off alone.
If the person you love leaves you, it is not their fault, it is not your fault. It’s just not meant to be, and it will leave an empty space that you can now fill with all the things you can do for yourself. Start a business, take your parents on a holiday, join a charity group, play sports, go to a music class, dance class.. Its an opportunity to work on your skills, to enrich your character and your life because YOU ARE SPECIAL. And in the future, someone who deserves you will come along. And you don’t have to worry about them being the wrong one – because you’ve train yourself to filter out the negative people in your life. And this person, as God has sent them to you, will love you for who you are. Remember, you are LOVED.

If you’re struggling with yourself, remember, you are made beautiful since day 1. Good looks go away after sometime, what remains is your heart and how you made people feel.. It’s your choice to be beautiful or not, beauty is not a privilege – it can be yours. Through your actions, through your words. Being attractive is when you enrich your brain and soul with positive things and share them with the world. Real beauty is when you love yourself. When you don’t sacrifice your natural beauty or your identity just so that people will like you. When you take care of your health. Beautiful is when you’re pleasant. When you’re respectful in other people’s space, when you are classy dealing with people who upset you. In my life, I learned that nobody will want to be around you if you’re not a warm person & constantly talking bad about someone. When your heart is black, it is really hard for people to stick around. Being beautiful, is when you nurture love inside of you. It’s not the color of your skin, the shape of your nose, the thickness of your lips, its not the curve of your body.. its how you remain lovely in this cruel world that’s constantly changing and where there are people advocating violence in public, you exist to promote love and peace.

If there are things making you depressed, don’t give into it. You have to fight it. Find help, talk to someone, don’t create that dark hole for yourself, don’t crawl into it, you deserve better. Find something you love doing, go out, get some sun, go to beach, get your friends to cook together, share ideas. Pray, you will find peace, you will find acceptance. Just like your body, your brain, your heart, and your soul needs food too. Trust me on this.. IT WILL GET BETTER. You will find your real strength and you’ll realize you’re stronger than you thought you were! Imagine if you get through this, wouldn’t it be a wonderful accomplishment? YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE LOVED. DONT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT.

-Yuna Zarai.

Music and Life

Submitted by Allen Nightingale 

I was a French horn player back then and when I first joined the band, I knew nothing of how music is made. From what I learnt from my seniors and band members, it’s about unity, in simple English. If you’re playing soprano which is on the top most of the pyramid, you can’t be too loud. As the bass, you have to be very solid and strong.

Source: mindbodyspiritualawareness.com

In life, when you’re on top, you can’t brag about it or show off about it. Be grateful and be considerate of those who are not with you at the top. Of course, life is like a wheel so, you won’t always be on the top.

There are still some parts where the sopranos have to play louder. And always support each other. How can you build a unity when you don’t give support?

That’s how you create a beautiful, perfectly balanced music. Each has their own talent, responsibilities and reasons to exist on this world. We perfect each other.

As for the parts, as a French horn player, we usually play the counter melody parts which my seniors always told me that counter melody is always different from others. You don’t sound like the melody. Not like the bass either. But counter melody makes the song more beautiful and not too plain.

What’s the significance?

The significance is – it’s okay to be different and unique. You make the world more beautiful. You make a difference and that brings new things to life. You make life more interesting. Go against the flow to create beautiful things that can carve a smile on everyone’s face. Don’t worry if you think you don’t fit in because you are actually a part of the human community that will adorn the mundane life with your uniqueness. Different is cool and don’t afraid to be. You see, this is how I see music. How about you?

 

Light Beyond Darkness

Submitted by Captain Potter 

11 years old.

I was 11 when I had my first encounter with depression. As I was back then naive, I thought it was just temporary. Back then I was, well, unlucky. I grew up in an unhappy surrounding, had a lot of crisis among friends and family. And in 6th grade I was mentally bullied, cyber bullied and was treated like I didn’t belong in the class.

12-13 years old.

Life had been quite unfair to me and my depression kicked in harder. I lost self-confidence and was low on self-esteem. Unloved and confused. I felt like an outcast every time as I wasn’t pretty and famous. I went to an elite school where popularity and looks were the main two things. One day, a classmate said something that made me more broken than ever, she said “there are no boys who would love to be with girls with a face like yours.” It left a huge mark on me and it still haunts me. Then I decided when I was 12 (two months away from 13) to harm myself.

14 years old.

Life was more difficult, depressing and confusing. I was afraid to express myself and I never told anyone but Sam. A 20-year-old, charming, beautiful, smart and a self-harmer too. She’s someone so special in my life who helps me a lot and I don’t understand why society treats her cruelly and unfairly. 

15-16 years old.

Being a teenager who suffers harming and suicidal issues, it’s hard to fit in, so I was left with an option of faking and acting. I confessed my issues to my ex best friend and I guess that was another wrong decision. And since then, I was afraid of people finding out, especially my family. I consulted a therapist and it did help a little. Last year was a totally rough and bad year for me. I learnt a lot of valuable lessons, suffered a lot (with big exams and graduation), lost many family members, broke up with my best friend, was deeply hurt, lost myself and worst…lost Sam.

Losing Samantha

Not everybody knew her because she loved to stay low, I only told two to three people about her…after she died. Sam died of suicide in April 8th, found lying on her bathroom floor, with pills and a suicide note. And I was mentioned in the note. Her mother then after a few weeks, gave me all Sam’s notes, writings and essays. I found one that changed me a lot, it was entitled ‘Semi Colon’. You see, semi colon (;) signifies a symbol of continuation, it was meant to be something that was supposed to end but didn’t. She wrote about how people were always afraid to live a life that was meant for them, she wrote about how sometimes we have to just go with the flow and love ourselves.

Source: pinterest.com

November-December 2015.

I’m proud to say that after all I’ve been through the past few months, I’ve been clean from self-harm for three beautiful months. That was the longest. How come? Because of believing. I have never believed in miracles before, I’ve never had any ‘inner peace’, I’ve never once in my life believed that I could start over, until, one day I woke up from a long sleep feeling very light and cheerful which is weird for me as I’ve never ever loved waking up. And I realized that things that once hurt me before stop aching my heart, words that were left playing in my memory had gone, the voices in my head had faded and believe me, that was the day I found out miracles happen for real. I have had a lot of strangers, acquaintances, true friends, who have showed me real support and have been trying to help me get through everything. I’ve found ‘inner peace’ by letting go and moving on. But what’s more important is that I have found real happiness. I learned that by believing in yourself, you can be much happier, by knowing yourself inside outside, you can love yourself more and by believing you can start over, you actually can. I was a self-harmer but I don’t see that as something I should be ashamed of, because after all we all live on the same ground and after all I have valid and strong experiences that not everybody had.

2016.

I believe everyone deserves to be happy in their own skin and that everyone has their own specialties. I may be weird, odd, a loony person who loves to write and read and has less friends and is an introvert and people may misunderstood me because of that but I can’t seem to mind at all because I’m happy with who I am and what I do and that’s enough. Just because you’re living a havoc life, doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way forever, and doesn’t mean you can’t find light beyond darkness. There is a light at the end of the tunnel that you have yet to reach. You will, one day. You see, Sam didn’t die for nothing, she left me and us all with an important lesson, that is; that even the smallest littlest things bad or good, matters. I was saved by nothing but believing. Here I am, alive and different. Even though I can be depressed at times, I believe that I can fight the urge and win my battles.

Mental health issues SHOULDN’T be taken lightly and insensitively. Start noticing people around you, notice symptoms and actions. Just so you know, no matter who you used to be, who you are, and what you ought to be, I love you and I care even if I don’t know you and even if nobody else did. Remember, little things matter. 

-love, captain.potter

 

It’s really difficult to love yourself.

Submitted by Sarah Anne |  Hoping to be that bit of madness that brings weird joy into life

Especially when nothing seems to be going your way. What is it? Your parents? Your grades? Your job? Your friends? Your stuff (or lack of)? Yourself?

I’m afraid I, personally, don’t have a solution for that. I don’t think anyone does, as a matter of fact. Sad, isn’t it?

But maybe, just maybe, I can help; at least for a very brief moment.

Nah, not in some self-help way. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. Who am I to tell you what to do? I don’t know your life. But I know enough not to just generalise your experiences; write you down to be just like someone else out there. Funny how that works out, isn’t it? We’re all one and the same, but as different as grains of sand on the beach.

Ha ha. Sorry. Didn’t mean to throw you into an existential crisis there.

Since I’m in no position (and certainly in no authority) to tell you what to do, let me instead tell you a little story.

(I like jellybeans, but feel free to interchange with whatever you like.)

Source: quotesgram.com

There once was a jellybean,
It got stretched a bit too thin.
So it got put on a ‘reject’ pile,
And stayed there for quite a while.
Don’t feel sad for the jellybean,
It can’t feel a thing.
But one thing’s for certain.
It will get eaten.
Fulfilled its purpose,
So it wasn’t really worthless.
Give it some time.
You’ll be fine.

What is Beauty?

Submitted by Allen Nightingale 

In our country, beauty is TYPICALLY defined as having fair skin, nice body and good sense of fashion and makeup skills. Often I see beautiful girls of my age (or even younger than me) posting photos on Instagram and getting loads of praises. For God’s sake, there are even some people who create accounts like malayprettyteen and all that jazz.

Recently, I had a talk on my self-insecurities with a few people who are close to me. They don’t agree with my concept of ‘be yourself’ and ‘you’re beautiful in your own way’, assuming that as a teacher, I won’t get enough attention from my students if I stayed with my current image. I have fair skin though but I’m never the definition of beautiful here since I don’t have a good sense of fashion and have a serious acne issue. 

The thing is, I really hate it when society defines beauty when all that matters is actually what’s inside, not outside.

Do I have to wear fashionable clothes to be a great teacher?
Do I have to fix my unusual-sized chin to be seen?
Do I have to have a nice body to achieve my dreams?

I know the answer is no. But society nowadays judge with their eyes and not brains. They don’t see talent, they see pretty faces. We live in a world where outside beauty comes before the quality inside.

Source: www.lotfortyeightblog.com

I know there are women with very good looks with amazing skills but if you put two talented women, one with society-defined beauty and the other one is just a plain girl, the pretty one will always stand out. I don’t know if you would agree with this but this is my thought, my opinion, my perspective.

Every woman deserves to be seen for her quality. Every woman deserves to be called beautiful no matter how they look like. Because beauty is too subjective. I can’t even find the phrases fair skin, nice body or fashionable under the definition of the word ‘beautiful’ in my Oxford Advanced Learner’s dictionary.

SOCIETY, IF YOU THINK OF BEAUTY IN THE TYPICAL WAY, KEEP THIS IN YOUR MIND: 
Stop judging with eyes. Eyes lie. Brain doesn’t.
Stop making some women feel insecure with your typical definition of beautiful. 

I’m writing this because I’m one of those who have been through life where people don’t see you for what you do or what talent you have, where people keep telling you to change who you are.

I’m writing this to tell my self-hating self that I’m worth something. That you are worth something too. That no one is born not beautiful.

I’m writing this to tell you that if you battle with self-hate and insecurities, we are the same. We’re in this together. And we can fight this together.

I’m writing this to tell myself and you, too, that we’re all beautiful. And we will make the society see that. 

Live On

Submitted by Rafika Diana | Jakarta, Indonesia

I was back in first year of college when this happened. It is about a guy. Haha. Yeah, well, nothing has ever been more complicated than a hidden feeling for somebody we cannot have, right?

Started off smooth in college, one time this old friend of mine approached me with a nice smile and lovely conversation on Facebook in November 2010. We never saw each other for about 7 years – or 13 years as of now. Normal talks turned into even more necessary ones, as if we could not live a day without them. One point, he asked me out, through a text. I was already fully mesmerized by his virtual existence alone, I had so many convincing reasons in my head, and pretty much not as wise as I am now (obviously) – so January 2011, I gave this long distance relationship a go.

A month later, he disappeared into thin air without even a single tiniest clue of what possibly went wrong between us. No fight, no goodbye, nothing. One late night talk, and in the morning, he was gone.

He never came back. Even when you read this, after thousands of texts and calls I sent him, he just did not come back. You know what they say, the hardest break-up is the one without explanation. I was broken into pieces, undoubtedly. I took my college for granted, ditched classes, skipped lunches, being arrogantly upset at people for no reason. We have all been there, have not we? Small things turn big, and exit doors are just invisible. I felt that. Even worse, I was very close from feeling insignificant. 

 

But I realized, suffer is a choice. So why choose to suffer from something we were proud of?

It was not an easy journey. After a long 5-year battle, of blaming myself, of hating people – I finally decided to choose to believe that he was not meant to be for me anymore. He once was the best, but is just not, anymore. Maybe I had known that, but too selfish to let go.

I choose to think that 5 years was enough for mourning. I picked up my own pieces and rebuilt my life. It would not take me anywhere if I held onto suffer, anyway. Now I can proudly tell you that after almost likely not making it to graduation due to suffering from desperation, I fought, and I made it with an honorable degree.

And loves, you should do, too. Make peace. Be kind to yourself. God is too loving to let you suffer from things you should not. And life is just too short to hold on to grudge. Let time solve your puzzle.

But in the mean time, trust me; let’s live on.

Cheers! 

Of Passion and Dreams

Submitted by Allen Nightingale | A misfit who will make a difference

I was a science school student. I maintained my grades for five years. People had set expectations on me. High ones.

They expect me to be the brilliant one, the know-it-all one. They expect me to end up in some cool college, doing A-levels and someday will fly to another continent. They expect me to be the one that will be a person who designs cool buildings, or treats people’s cancer-infected livers, or finds the cure for breast cancer.

Little did they know how depressed I was to fulfil their expectations. Little did they know how stressful it was to study things I hate. Little did they know how I nearly gave up struggling and thought of ending everything.

Yes, I did finish school with reputation. PMR best student. 9As in SPM. I’m grateful of it. But when you are labelled as the kid with brain, they start to decide your future for you, confronting you to choose what they think you want.

“Are you serious on being a teacher? I think with your result, you can go further.”
“English teacher? Seriously? Don’t you want to try engineering or medic?”
These are what they always said when I told them my ambition. I don’t understand why society keeps on labelling the career as a teacher as something not classy like doctors or engineers. Some even think that it’s such a waste to my exam result when I chose to become a teacher. And even my family members don’t quite agree with this.

I’d been to a scholarship interview after SPM and that was when I was offered Psychology course by the company. I could say that the scholarship is quite grand but I declined it. I declined my only chance to study abroad and get a rather good job. Why did I decline?

Because I have my own dream, my own passion and nothing can change that.

My point here is actually no matter what your exam result is, or what level of education you are in, DO NOT let people decide what you have to do with your future. Your passion is not the same as theirs. Your dream is not theirs. Why let them choose the path for you?

I’ve never had any interests in Maths and Science subjects. What’s the point of me applying to study things I don’t want to just because of the versatility of the job or the prestigious title of the university? It will just lead to more depression. You won’t be happy doing things you don’t love.

If you think you still can’t see what you really want in this world, you still have time to find it. Unleash yourself and slowly, your passion will unravel inside you. It’ll never be too late to discover it. You just can’t stop the journey of finding your forte, your passion.

Now, I’ve chosen my way. I know what I want to do. I want to be an English teacher and a writer. I don’t care what people expect me to be. I’m tired of fitting in the expectations of the society on me. We don’t live to satisfy people.

If you love drawing, draw something and dream of seeing it hung in exclusive galleries. Fight for it.

If you are fond of flying a gigantic metal bird, go soar the blue blue sky across the world. Find a way to make it real.

If you enjoy designing beautiful houses, grab your ruler and pencil and create amazing architectures. Never give up to achieve it.

If you feel like singing to the whole world, voice it out. Be confident and shine bright so they can see.

Do what you really want. Results, education levels, financial, family backgrounds are NOT a shackle for you to reach the sky and grab the stars of your dreams. You do know about this one cliché proverb saying “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Don’t ever stop finding your way to reach your dreams. And someday, I really hope that all of our fates and dreams will collide.

To donate or not to donate?

Submitted by Syed Azmi | Small Lamb

A couple, husband and wife (elderly), were having briyani when they were approached by a young man asking for donations.

Little bit of background, I was beside the uncle at that time. I myself declined giving any money but offered the man 100plus cold can drink if he wants. He took it. 

The wife answered nicely, it’s ok, no thanks. The man however had plenty to say. “Muda kuat macam ni mintak sedekah. Ni mesti sindiket ni.” 

I was shocked actually. He didn’t shout but just babbled out. The wife asked him to just calm down and let it go. Tak nak bagi takpe. Senyap biar jelah. The man then said to the young man, “I only donate to people who are really in hardship and poor. Not to “orang macam awak! Entah betul atau tak.”

And something else.. I just could not stand it.

I called the cashier and said that I wish to settle my bill and theirs (in a discreet manner). The cashier passed me the bill. I paid and sat quietly.
The young man with the donation box is no longer there.
The man later wanted to pay. Cashier said, all done.

The man told the wife that someone “belanja” us. The wife looks around. She asked if he noticed anyone who would possibly do that? He said nope. Then the wife said, “Kita ni pun orang belanja. Kita yang tak susah ni pun orang surprise belanja.”

The husband kept quiet. She then said, bless that person who did this. Not that we need it, there are others who deserve it more. The husband kept quiet. I kept my ears open.
The husband said “Mana budak tadi?” and looked around.

Nowhere to be found.
They went out.

After that incident, I did the same thing to another table on a different day. (Not to show off, but to share this…) Two elderly ladies were looking around to see who paid for them. I just stood quietly. The lady said to the other. “Murah rezeki orang tu” That cost more than their roti canai! Made my day.

On the first part of the story, the uncle was not entirely wrong. Some of his perceptions may be true, but his manners towards it was “kurang molek”. If you don’t wish to donate or support, be quiet.

To teach somebody older, we need to be a bit creative in the method. Jangan buat anyone kecik hati. To me, sedekah to anyone in need. Some may be poor in money, others may be poor in love and manners. Just saying. I don’t judge others on this. I have been judged way harsh and it’s not cool.

Syed Azmi small lamb 👊